Happy New Year friends!
2020 has been another hard and crazy year for so many of us. Today I just wanted to share a bit about our year, where we are right now, and what we’re hoping for.
A few years ago, if someone had told me that my family and I would lose our belongings three times, experience hidden homelessness for extended periods, fall into serious debt, and that I’d end up on the 31st of December 2020 sitting on this lawn chair without furniture, I wouldn’t have believed it.
But here we are, lol. This lawn chair is our mini sofa. We have two, and we take turns using them along with four not so comfortable metal stools and two rolling chairs.
Since March of this year, I’ve been living and sleeping on an enclosed patio with access to a blocked off kitchen due to VOCs from construction materials and paint.
This little chair has been soaked in my tears more than once. It’s where I sit and pray when others are sleeping. It’s where I drink my organic tea each day.
I’ve typed articles and social media posts sitting in it, criss-cross apple sauce.
It’s not much, but I’m thankful for it.
My friend bought us the cushions recently, and we were so thankful because the chair alone is super uncomfortable.
In 2020 we were without a home until March. We slept in three different places—2019 and 2018, where about the same.
When I stop to think about all of the losses we’ve experienced from when I first started getting sick in 2006 to this past year, it becomes too overwhelming to think about. I’m not a crier, but man, this hasn’t been easy. I’ve wanted to give up so many times. I have felt crushed and alone so many times. I’ve smiled through my pain, so if you see me, you wouldn’t know what’s happening inside.
Finding friends and people who understand your journey is extremely difficult, so most of us are left to struggle alone. The little interaction we may have with others isn’t always helpful. People criticize, say mean things, or write you off because they don’t understand your health woes.
It can seem like every day we are experiencing another loss. More pain, more struggles.
It can seem relentless.
I know. I’ve been there.
I’ve been drowning and watched people walk past me.
I’ve had enormous needs and heard people say, go and be well; Ill pray for you.
I’ve cried myself to sleep on more than one occasion.
I’ve cried with other mamas who are hurting because their babies are sick from mold. My heart aches for them.
Then, there are a few times when one or two people have shown so much love and kindness. They have given their love, resources and time to bless my family, and for that, I am so thankful. Without the love and support from my husband and this community, my life would be so much harder. And without my faith, I know I would not be here right now.
If you read my blog posts or online posts, you may think, “wow, she has it all together,” but I don’t have it all together. I may post fun things and cool recipes now and then, but it doesn’t mean I’m on top of this. I’m still pushing through the mire and the muck. I’m always learning so that I can help my family and others.
And that’s where my hope for next year comes in. I hope and pray that I can feel better and recuperate from our last exposure to Stachybotrys. It wreaked us all in different ways.
If I were better, I’d love to travel and help people in person. I’d love to be able to afford land in a clean area and build a few mold-free and chemical-free cottages for us and for some of the families I’ve met who are struggling. Healing would open up so many doors for me, my family, and others.
So that’s my hope for next year. For our family to heal, and lastly, for us always have God’s hope, joy, love, and peace in our hearts and minds.
I’ll be praying for everyone I know this weekend. If you would like me to pray for you, please type your request below in the comments section.
God bless you.
Chemical Free Gal