I Just Want My Life Back – Mold Illness Thoughts

Some days, I just want my life back!

I want to see the pretty girl whose eyes sparkle with hope. I want to hear her laugh and say everything will be alright.

I miss her infectious joy, her passion for life, and her unwavering faith.

I miss who she was before everything changed, before she was pushed into the unknown, and sorrow crowded the halls of her heart.

On days when the battle of existing becomes too heavy to bear, I just want to remember what it feels like to be normal. To not have to worry about so many little things.

What does normal even feel like? I struggle to remember. My heart feels heavy as I try to recall and push through so many memories of struggling and pain.

Since my prolonged exposure to toxic mold many years ago, it feels like I entered into a never-ending whirlwind, unable to escape. Nothing has ever been the same.

Some days, all of the losses become too overwhelming to express, and I’m left alone with my thoughts, fighting an unseen enemy that no one understands.

Although I know I am not alone in my suffering, the despair I feel in these moments is completely blinding. But that little voice that is sometimes drowned out by my pain ever so gently reminds me that I must press on, that I must not lose hope, and that better days are coming. In the middle of the whirlwind, I am reminded that someday, the sun will shine again over this withered garden, and its light will drive out the darkness.

I share these thoughts because I know many of you, at some point or another, have felt this way.
If you’re currently in this place, I understand. I know how hard navigating a world where so many things injure you feels. I know the dessert you are in, dear heart. Please don’t give up.

Prayer: Dear God, in the moments when despair consumes me, and I cannot breathe a sigh of relief, when the struggles crush every hope, every joy, and every possibility, be my safe place. On the days I cannot carry myself, please hold me up and help me stand firm even as the earth beneath me is sinking. Help me to find higher ground. Send your Spirit to breathe life into my dessert and restore my peace. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

With Love,
Chemical Free Gal

4 thoughts on “I Just Want My Life Back – Mold Illness Thoughts

  1. Oh my goodness, it feels like God had you write this just for me. You have no idea how much I needed it. Thank you!

  2. I really felt your post deep in my heart. I copied and shared your prayer in the OVERCOMERS: Chronic Illness Support Group, Vero Beach & Vicinity on Facebook. I left my moldy condo and am staying nearby with my elderly father in his less moldy condo. I can’t get well living here but my Dad is 95 and needs my help. I think the mold in his condo has affected him but he doesnt do anything about it. It definitely affects me. But my moldy condo was killing me. I recently had my condo remediated but it wasn’t a good job, botched is more like it. I will never be able to live in it again for any length of time. I’ll have to sell it. When I do I may buy an RV and follow the path of Mold Avoidance per Erik Johnson of Exposing Mold and the Erik Johnson Effect.

    Wishing you good health and a joyful life! Angela

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