The journey through Mold IlIness and conditions like PANS, a type of Autoimmune Encephalitis isn’t easy.
We’re all struggling through unspoken battles, some of us more than others.

Every once in a while, I hear someone say how strong I am.

When people admire my strength, I have to remind them that I’m just as fragile as they are, I just hide on the days I’m breaking into pieces.

I’m really no different than anyone else.

I’ve lost my mind 1000 times.
And 1000 times I’ve fought to get back up.

When you’re in an extended season of suffering, some days/weeks are really hard. You struggle to just exist, to wake up and do the everyday things that must be done.

If you’re caring for a child with AE/PANS/PANDAS and struggling with your own health, some days feel like you’re a warrior with severe PTSD. These feelings only intensify if you have other sick family members and if you’re experiencing financial hardships or hidden homelessness.

The suffering is compounded by a lack of support, understanding, and resources. It can feel like you’re constantly fighting against the waves, and your vessel is taking on water.

When I feel like I can’t do it anymore, I think about my family and its my love for them that keeps me going. Love is the patch to the many holes in my broken vessel.

I share these thoughts to let you know that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling.

If you’re in a place of sheer darkness, unable to see ahead and you’re not sure how much more you can take, please don’t give up.

I know it’s hard. I really do. And sometimes, there is nothing anyone can say to lift you out of the storm.

But I want to encourage you and remind you to keep going. One step at a time.

Minute by minute.

Hour by hour.

Day by day.

Take it slowly.
Don’t plan too far ahead.
Do what is within your reach and lay down what you cannot control.

Remember to stop to grieve the losses.
Let the tears flow.
They are cleansing for your soul.

I don’t know how exactly, but I know that you’ll make it through this dear child. I know because I’ve made it through when I didn’t think I could bear it anymore.

Just breathe.

And when you’re at your weakest, let God’s strength carry you through.
With love,
CFG