We’ve been misunderstood so many times, but we know that as long as we have one another and as long as God is in the center of our marriage, we have all that we need, and we are strong.

“If two lie down together, they will be warm.
But a person alone will not be warm.
An enemy might defeat one person,
but two people together can defend themselves.
A rope that has three parts wrapped together
is hard to break.” Ecclesiastes 4:11-13

We don’t have this all figured out. We’re still healing from past traumas and mistakes and learning to be better communicators and friends. Getting sick early on in our marriage and having so much to carry really impacted how we grew in our relationship. There was no guide on dealing with pregnancy, kids, loss, mold toxicity, and a sick spouse. We just pushed through as best as we could without talking about the pain and hurt. Now we know that we can’t do that. False positivity and neglecting your hurts and hardships is not healthy. Yet, it is something that is taught and encouraged in many circles, including in churches. It is taught as a coping mechanism. Suck it up, buttercup, and keep moving.

When people are hurting and struggling through chronic illness, they need to be supported by their loved ones and or friends. If they are part of a church, they need to be a top priority. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve spoken to women in tears because their church community doesn’t believe them and doesn’t even care to call and see how they are doing. It breaks my heart.

When you have a chronic illness or multiple chronic illnesses caused by toxic mold, chemical injury, and or Lyme disease, you often find that there are no support systems for you.

When someone has cancer, entire communities rally around you. I’ve seen this so many times in the news and even with good friends of mine. You have support for weeks, months, and sometimes even years; from meals to transportation, there is often a lot of support available.

Similarly, if your house burnt down and you lost everything you owned and became sick because of smoke inhalation, entire communities would rally around you. There would be Go Fund Me accounts set up for you. Churches and businesses in your local community would chip in and help you rebuild. You’d feel and see the support of your community tangibly.

But when you lose everything you own or most of what you own multiple times because of toxic mold and develop tumors, autoimmune conditions, and other debilitating chronic illnesses, you get nothing. This really sucks. Please understand that I’m not making this parallel because I don’t think others shouldn’t get support if they have cancer or if their home burns down. That is not my intention. I’m simply trying to explain how devastating this is for those of us who figuratively have had our house burn down multiple times, and we walked alone with little to no support, without understanding, and without ongoing help.

If you’re a friend or family member of someone who has developed one or more chronic illnesses after environmental exposures, what can you do?

My first recommendation is simple, just listen. Listen, and then listen some more. Be present and let your friend or loved one know that your love and friendship will not fade away, although you may not understand what they are going through.

Listening means that you don’t get to throw a bunch of thoughts or solutions at them, especially if they aren’t well or are trying to recover from a recent crash or exposure. Understand that their brain and body aren’t functioning the way your brain and body are functioning, so hold your suggestions and questions unless asked for.

Pray for them and with them. If you’re part of a church, start a ministry for people with chronic illnesses and make sure that these vulnerable members of your community have a fellowship opportunity and can be supported. Over the last few years, as I’ve done online ministry in this area, I am constantly overwhelmed by the tremendous need that exists.

When they are not feeling well enough to cook or do house chores, offer to stop by and pick up their kids for a movie or a park visit. I can’t tell you the times I yearned for someone to do this when we had young children in the house.

Often children of parents who are suffering from one or more chronic illnesses miss out on so much. Having a close friend or family member to babysit or take young children out is so important. Offering to come over and help with cleaning and cooking is also important. The sick person will most likely struggle for months or years and will need all of the love and support that you can offer. This isn’t the flu that will come and go or a broken wrist or having wisdom teeth removed; it is a constant, hourly, and daily struggle that is often fought alone and in the dark.

If they have financial needs, help if you can and if you can’t help personally but know someone who can reach out and be a constant advocate for your friend or loved one.

In the early years of my health decline, people would ask me how I was doing. I remember trying to explain things and asking for support in some way. Although I wanted help, most of the people around me didn’t understand what was happening and seldom offered a helping hand. Whenever I tried to explain my strange symptoms and what our family was enduring, people usually gave me the deer in the headlights look. I laugh because today, it is much of the same.

Most of the people we know still don’t get it. Still, we keep pressing on as best as possible with God’s help, and we are so thankful for those few who have supported us, who have prayed for us, and who have encouraged us along the way. Their love and support mean the world to us.

Our journey is a journey of faith, restoration, and growth, and although the road has been bumpy and long, we can’t wait to see what the future holds.

Chemical Free Gal